This is not a Monty Python film!

Animated Feature Film I.

 

THIS IS NOT A MONTY PYTHON FILM

 

SPECIAL AUDIENCE WARNING: The film you are about to see is not a Monty Python film! This is a film about Graham Chapman. IT IS NOT A MONTY PYTHON FILM!

Yes, Graham is by an odd twist of fate a member of the Monty Pythons. However, IT IS NOT A MONTY PYTHON FILM! It IS a film WITH the Monty Pythons. All five members of Monty Python are in it (yes, including the deceased member who apropos says it’s the best film he’s been in since he’s died!), but IT IS NOT A MONTY PYTHON FILM!


And now for something completely different.

The plane whirrs to the left and makes a sharp turn, piercing a cloud with its long, pointed nose. It dives after another plane. Behind the controls are the pilot and the co-pilot, both tense, they hold their breath and ejaculate with relief.

 

Lieutenant Ginger, sitting behind them, has once again been passed over and sadly slinks away to the reading room, opening a book… hullo, hullo? “The Interpretation of Dreams” by Sigmund Freud?

 

Herr Doktor Freud lectures on zee so-called nafigator’s dreams oder nafigational dreams vis a squeaky östereichiche accent. Zee development of man can be dividet into two distinct phases: childhoot und nafigation. Zee patient Ginger is undergoink zee so-called borderline pre-rational phase, in zee animal state of its defelopment, makink him nafigationally inadequate, vich places a great deal of shtrain on him... Ginger: “Ginger? That’s me! Inadequate? What a bally awful tone, don’t you know, what ho, old chap!”… and Sigmund Freud falls out of the plane window right into Graham’s lap.

 

“What’s that in your hand?” asks his father angrily. The Interpretation of Dreams… hm, oh, khm, khm… “Who is this Doctor Freud?” asks Beryl, oh, sorry, Betty. Well, well, an expert on navigation, very interesting. Khmm.

 

                      And now for something completely different.


A giant penis soars across the sky.


                      And now for something completely different.



“I take gin with slimline tonic with ice but no limonene, your Majesty.”


Gin. Gin. Gin. Gin.


Graham, are you a drunk?


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA



A giant magnet is pulling me off stage. And John, walking on hamsters.


          iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii


“Stop it, stopi it! That is naughty in the extreme!”

 

A hot afternoon bathed in pink. One bicycle. Two Pythons. A beautiful view. A Fiesta. The sun. From the sea rises a clam-clad David. Sexy. Ha. Eat your heart out, Botticelli.

 

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This is a big-coming out party. “Graham, I don’t understand, this is not a standard gay profile, I mean, the tweed jacket, the pipe, and … no, I just don’t understand.” “Yes, Keith, it actually means going to bed with people of the same sex!”


Apostle Paul to the people of New Zealand: “I would like to state quite clearly that sex is nothing more than a way in which two or more people can have lots of harmless cheap fun, provided that they are clean and that the aim isn't reproduction. Signed: Lots of love, p. Kiss, kiss, kiss.”

 

Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

Do you realize that in the last few minutes alone, you’ve dropped no less than 17 famous names? Graham: “Have I? I didn’t intend to… It’s just that these are all friends of mine…”

You’re suffering from nivenism. “It is a common enough complication of Angelits, a similar disease to that described by Freud as the Frank Harris Syndrome, an endemic autobiographical complaint.” But don’t worry; I’ll prescribe you an intensive therapy of Hollywood parties.
 
There’s the universe. There’s the end of the world, and there lies the answer to the mysteries of the world. Graham: “While David prepares cucumber sandwiches, I put on my beige spacesuit and take the space shuttle to pop round to some friends in order to invite them to an evening farewell party.” And it is like all of them have no time. I knock on the big mahogany doors, “Here lies Oscar Fingal O'Flathery Wilde, gone out for good”.

What does that mean, what does that mean? What do you mean by it? His Majesty keeps insisting. “What did you mean by it, Wilde?”

 

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                      audience erupts in laughter


                                     hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

 

               “Graham, you had us waiting for hours!”


“Learn your fucking lines!”

 

“Graham? Graham? Are you all right? You look rather pale. Graham?”

Who was the co-author of the “Parrot Sketch”? A man with a pipe in this mouth and a tweed overcoat, a doctor, a gay man, a drunk, and a brilliant comedian, the quiet pipe-smoking man. Graham Chapman has ceased to be. Graham Chapman is no more.


Wait a minute, this is a liar’s autobiography! … “Graham, you do all the voices in this work. And you’re only paid 30 pounds, don’t look at me like that, it’s a low-budget film.”

Well, I feel that I should say: “Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard! I hope he fries.”




Graham, where are you? Are you listening?



Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too
I love to hear you oralize
When I'm between your thighs
You blow me away

Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly
Life can be fine if we both sixty nine
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places
And play till we're blown away

 

 

Anja Banko

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